Want to look like debt, tube strikes and utter, utter despair? Rimmel have you sorted.
How do you know if someone isn’t from London? Notwithstanding the loud C&A rucksacks as big as their body (carefully blocking any possible exit from packed escalators the city over), pink Oxford University sweaters with several words incorrectly spelled, and clueless attempts to cross Picadilly Circus on a Boris bike – they think London is stylish.
Rimmel, favourite choice of financially inept teenagers and #BBloggers with circa 300 followers everywhere, show their French roots in an 182-year-old slogan ‘get the London look’ with the same sheer class and grace of a woman on her way home after a 12 hour work day and 6 hour wine binge, mascara all round and lipstick on cheek. If they’re not choosing a famous-because-of-her-philandering-rocker-and-desperate-model parents as their poster-child, they’re bludgeoning the union jack all over their advertising wares as though the Spice Girls reunion tour wasn’t a way for five washed-out ‘singers’ to make some buck now their solo careers, fashion labels and vague attempts at remaining in the media spotlight are coming to a cringeworthy end.
You can hardly blame old Eugene Rimmel for believing a more civilised land lay across the channel over in 1834 when, aged 24, he started his own cosmetics range. While he might have not known it was a land (at the time) famed for vagabond children, soot-covered chimney sweeps and huge rates of dysentery (what’s changed, let’s face it), marketing emparios worth huge money today seem to think that’s a look worth coveting in a vain attempt to keep their bonuses and still go out for that post-work pint.
If spending £3 every few weeks on animal-tested makeup that lasts on your face approximately 30 minutes before rubbing everywhere is too much commitment, however, there are other ways to achieve ‘the London look’. Splash £500,000 on a cupboard with no private kitchen or bathroom, 10 miles away from the nearest tube stop (yet somehow still directly above a line as the 4am wakeup call reminds you) and you’re on a winner. Spend any remaining access to money on a bottle of Rose every night and coffee the next day to forget the pain and Kate Moss is a good’un.